1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the darn floor.
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? (death?)
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbie?
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty , he said... no .
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever ...and he said no .
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry ? and once again he replied with a no!
... She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said...
You're not pretty you're b e a u t i f u l .
I don't want to be with you forever .
I NEED to be with you forever ,
and i wouldn't cry if you went away…. I’d…die….
SLOW DANCE Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say,"Hi" You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened
Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over.-
Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground which aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree
How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself. (Hell Yeah) -If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’) -If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’) (Sometimes) -If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’ -If you live off of sugar and caffeine. (I do some of my better writing under it's influence) -If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet. -If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. -If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether. -If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground. -If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper. (yep) -If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard. (Had to redraw them three times!) -If people think you might have A.D.D. (yep) -If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D. (Yep) -If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense. (only every once in a while) -If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason. -If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason. -And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you worship/failed English 101
Murphy’s lesser known laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be
stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the
fog. (Alt: If you lined up all the cars in the world, someone, somewhere, will be stupid enough to try to jump them all)
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.